Solitude in Saudi

A couple of months ago as I was reading one of Thomas Merton's final journals before his tragic death, I came across a sentence about his life being about, among other things, the practice of solitude. That was not the first time it had dawned on me the profound interconnection between the life I am leading in Saudi Arabia and that most ex-pats lead here and that of the monastic. In some ways the Islamic world has taken the experience of the monastery and imposed onto enitre countries. For an ex-pat, it can literally drive you mad. But we can also learn to cultivate it too. Here are some remarks about solitude and how to cultivate it that I pulled off of beliefnet that I felt might be of use to me and others.

1. Learn to Befriend Solitude
Solitude has a bad reputation. We tend to think of it as a lonely state. Nothing can be further from the truth. We need the rich soil of solitude to grow into ourselves. Spend a few minutes each day in solitude. Turn off your cell phone and TV and just let yourself be in stillness. Gradually, as you befriend solitude, rather than flee from it, you will begin to hear the voice of your own authentic self.

2. Stay Patient
To be in solitude takes patience. Patience allows us to stay in the present so that we can reflect and change. Most of us are feverishly impatient. We want change and we want it now. Being in solitude takes patience so that we have time to rest, reflect, and restore ourselves. That's when we start to listen to ourselves so that true change can happen.

3. Start Where You Are
In solitude, you start where you are, with whatever feelings you have, not where you want to be. Expect that at first all sorts of raw emotions will come up, like fear, anger, frustration, shame or guilt. They belong to the old voices that tell us how we should be and what we ought to do. Question every should and ought that crosses your path. Know that you are on the right path--your path--when you feel your own voice kicking inside you like a babe in the womb.

4. Begin Your Sorting Process
In fairy tales, the princess is often given the task of sorting before she can begin to weave her new life. Solitude gives us the same opportunity. We sort and separate out the old voices from our own personal voice, the old story from the new story, which is about us, what we desire, and how to get it.

5. Take Time for Self-Blessing
A blessing is an act of reverence that bestows protection, holiness, and love on the benefactor. But the deepest blessing is the one you bestow on yourself. As we enter solitude, we let ourselves breathe deeply and quietly. Then we need to bless ourselves and our journey so that we might gain, or renew, a sense of our own loveliness.

6. Close the "Knowing vs. Living" Gap
We all know many things we want to nurture ourselves. Yet we often don't give those things to ourselves because the 'gap' feels too wide. Know that it is not. In solitude, chose one thing you want to nurture your growth and give it to yourself as your gift.

7. Remember the Small Moments
Wonder and joy are almost always found in the small moments that make up our lives: listening to the sound of a seashell, walking through the woods, knitting a new scarf, baking bread, listening to a bird sing. Solitude teaches us to pay attention to these small moments and realize that they are the jewels of our life.

8. Reconnect to the Sacred
As you take time to be in solitude, you will learn that it is food for the deprived self. We enter solitude for many reasons: to rest, to nurse our grief, to ease the strain of giving others more than we give ourselves, to hear the sound of our own voice, to nurture our creative energies, and for many of us, to honor our search for a spiritual life.

9. Step Into Your Own Life
Stepping out is an act, a self-assertion, a movement beyond whatever steps you have taken before. It means something different to each of us. Solitude, however, is a dynamic state that will in time lead you to where you want to be. Suddenly, without knowing exactly how or why, you will find yourself ready to be, or act, in ways you never could before.

10. Be There for Others
Solitude teaches us that we are both alone and all one. As we grow stronger in ourselves, we find that we have more to give to others-our partners, children, friends, but also the larger community of which we are a part. Spend some time to be with those who have been deprived of love and mentoring and desperately need it.

Classroom Research on Polygamy

In some ways my job is fascinating. In others, it sucks. I suppose most of us could say the same thing about what we are doing with the rare exception of a few of us out there.

I have been sitting on this one for a while, but since today is my birthday I suppose I should get around to posting this really interesting classroom research I did a couple of weeks ago on polygamy. I asked my class of male students (I am not allowed to teach female students here in "the Kingdom") this series of questions and had them write on them.

Q1: In your view, what percentage of marriages in Saudi Arabia are polygamous?

Q2: In your view, what decides whether or not a man will take more than one wife? i.e. why would he decide to do it or not do it?

Q3: When you are able to get married, do you think you will have more than one wife? why or why not?

Q4: Some people criticize the idea of polygamous marriage, what would you say to these people?

I will expand this a bit more later, but a quick look at the data showed me this.

Q1: most said about 5%
Q2: whether or not he has the money to do it and can treat both (or more) wives fairly (howo would this be checked by anyone besides him? you may ask)
Q3: I was surprised by the number of students who said they would not do this because it would be unfair to the wives. more later
Q4: Several students actually said they agreed with the criticism. others said they did not care what others think because this is condoned in the Qur'an. more later.

Aeolian Harpsichord

continually wrested
from laziness and complaceny
spring winds
furious and alive
drive sands over the roads and sidewalks
and waves move parallel to
rather than straight at
the beach
all is alive and renewed
with God's breath

Something for Arabic readers

أنا من أمريكا. لكن الآن أنا أسكن في المملكة العربية السعودية. أدّرس اللغة الانكليزية هنا. الجميع يعرفون السعودية بلد غني. لكنهم ربما لا يعرفون أن المجتمع السعودي ممتلئ بالمتناقضات الاجتماعية. في الواقع أن الغنى يسبب متناقضات في المجتمع السعودي. و هذه مقالات قصيرة سوف أحدثكم عن بعض منها.

مثلاً الأغلبية من السعوديين كسالي جداً. عندما أقول هذا أنا لست متكبر.لكن لو قارنا طالب اللغة الانكليزية في شرق آسيا وبين طالب لغة أجنبية من أمريكا ثم طالب السعودية نجد أن طالب السعودية كسلان جدّا. عند تعلّم اللغة الأجنبية يحتاج الطالب إلى حافز. للأسف نجد أن السبب الرئيسي للالتحاق بالجامعات لدي كثير من الطلاب السعوديين هو لأن حكومة السعودية تدفع لهم مبالغ مالية شهرية طيلة فترة الدراسة.

متناقض آخر في المجتمع السعودي عن الأجانب والعمل. عموماً نجد أن السعوديون لا يحبون الأجانب. لكنهم أيضاً لا يريدوا أن يعملوا بأنفسهم.

Muslim Doors and the Spacing of Gender

It is often said that Muslims are very private people. An example of this, as well often pointed to, is that in the Muslim world houses are surrounded by walls. Being in Saudi I can attest to this: you will not find a house without walls here as long as it is a domestic structure (i.e. where women [and inevitbaly children] live).

Another angle to this is that, as every ex-pat who comes to Saudi for any length of time knows, there is a huge difference between the housing provided married people and that provided to single males. The housing provided to the hordes of single men from south Asia who come here to work in construction and as laborers is like a bunch of rabbit hutches. Sometimes there are dozen guys stuffed into a single room/barracks. These guys are bused around to the job sites and seen in the backs of huge trucks like cattle. The housing provided married people, often from places other than south Asia, is palatial by comparison.

I spent three months in a housing structure we like all seem to call "guantanomo bay." It was built in the 1960s or 70s for single foreign males working in the oil industry in this area. Then it might have been considered nice. It is not bad now either. It's just that it feels like a cross between the hotel Jack Nicholson's character's stayed in with his family in The Shining and an old abandoned 1970s Ramada Inn. The fact there is hardly anyone there, maybe one out of ten of the rooms in the four structures is occupied, and that the floors are hard, cold, dusty marble and this weird decorated concrete, adds to this ambience.

After my wife arrived in Saudi to join me at the end of the summer we moved into "family" housing. The place is four or five notches above Guantanamo Bay at the very least. One interesting thing about the place is the number of doors in it. The apartment only has four rooms: a large "family" room/sitting area, a kitchen with a laundry area, a bedroom and a bathroom. The thing is, there are ten doors in this little 35 X 20 ft structure (sorry, I think in feet but can do meters when I have to, i.e. not now). My wife pointed out to me that this is because the entire structure can be instantly converted/bifurcated into a space that dichotomizes the public and the private. There is a separate bathroom for times when men are present. There is a series of doors that allows the kitchen and master-bedroom bathroom to be accessible from the kitchen, like something out of the Tale of Genji. That makes ten doors in a structure that in my country would have about five. So, does the state pervade society here or does the private engulf everything in its wake? And is this not something Saudis are taught to do inside before they take it outdoors?